I'm a costume designer, makeup artist, teacher, mom, knitter, baker, want-to-learn-how-to-do-it-all

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I'm a costume designer, makeup artist, teacher, mom, sewer, knitter, baker, want-to-learn-how-to-do-it-all, blogging, Costumed Beagle enthusiast. I am not always pleasant, although through intensive cupcake therapy I have learned not to throw knives at people anymore.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Rejection

Here it is.  Rejection in a form letter...
There is nothing quite so poignant after a day of so much love as a day where you don't feel any.  As you know, since I've told you, my job security has not been so good lately.  You know, cause both education and the arts are soooo important and all. So I've felt inclined to take a peek at the broader job market.  I really don't want to do this.  I don't want to move.  Again.  I like it here.  I like raising my kids here.  They are in school.  But I've done it before, and if need be I'll do it again.
So I took a peek...and a couple of job postings caught my interest.  Well, at least one did.  So I applied.
I've always had good luck with job applications.  Just out of grad school I short listed at 6 different colleges and universities and flew all over the place to interview (that's how I ended up in North Carolina).  So I felt at least somewhat confident, because now, I am more experienced and stuff.
But the thing about my job is...is that #1 I practically have to wait for someone to DIE before a job opens up.  Yup, for my financial security someone has to go belly-up.  Maybe retire, but mostly die.
#2 my area is probably one of the least thought about areas in a field that is quite possibly the least thought about discipline in the world.  Because all those actors just dress themselves (just pull it out of the closet!) and make their own wigs look good (what?? they're wearing a wig??).
And #3 If the economy is bad (which it is..) the arts are the least likely to get funded, right behind education....so if you happen to teach in the arts, as I am attempting to do--good luck.

So I've waited almost two months after this position closed to hear from them and it came today.  A rejection letter.  Dear Professor Beene, we do not want you.

They of course, said it much more wordy and "professional" but that's what they meant.
Despite the fact that I didn't actually want their stupid job anyway, it mattered.  It mattered that they didn't want me.  I wanted to have to make the choice-should we or shouldn't we??

We all face some sort of disappointment and rejection all through our lives, so I'm wondering why I haven't developed some sort of wonder skin.  And it is the little things (or maybe it isn't so little, but I'm really trying not to care) that bring up all the insecurities we've harbored since Jr. High.  It is all about that silly lunch table I didn't get to eat at because Kirsten snorted milk through her nose in the 7th grade (it really probably isn't her fault, but I'm pretty confident she's going to read this and since we were glued at the hip, I can blame a lot of things on her as I'm sure she does on me.  It's symbiotic).

BUT anyway, although I didn't want their dumb job, I'm sad.  REJECTED.  And very very tired.  And sadly, despite being quite the catch in the job market, it will still take me a few days and probably a Cafe Rio salad or two to get over it.  And maybe a nap.  And a coke ( a big one). And some soup.  And a bath (yeah, I'll milk it...)

8 comments:

  1. "If it helps, you'll always be pre-approved with us!" (See? There's always a 'Friends' quote that works.) <3

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    1. Thank you. I should probably watch a few old episodes of friends while basking in my gloom. Nothing says dejection like someone watching old reruns with a pint of ice cream...

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  2. I got a rejection letter this week too for a manuscript of poems. Not nearly so important as a job but I was still blue and sure that I'm a big fraud anyway, yaddayaddayadda. Count me in for Cafe Rio. (And I'm glad you're not moving.)

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    1. Said the woman who is going to move to go to grad school! But yes...we can sulk together...What does your Saturday look like?

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    2. I realized after the fact that I wasn't very sympathetic to your rejection. I was being a little self-involved there...I'm very sorry. I can relate.

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  3. Is there a day next week we could try for? What days do you teach again? Sat. is filling up already but I would love to go get lunch with you!

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    1. Yes! What does your Tuesday look like? I usually teach, but UVU is pretending it is Monday so I don't have class...we can wallow together...

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  4. Tuesday is great and, as it turns out, today would work too. Some stuff got cancelled so let me know which you prefer!

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