I'm a costume designer, makeup artist, teacher, mom, knitter, baker, want-to-learn-how-to-do-it-all

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I'm a costume designer, makeup artist, teacher, mom, sewer, knitter, baker, want-to-learn-how-to-do-it-all, blogging, Costumed Beagle enthusiast. I am not always pleasant, although through intensive cupcake therapy I have learned not to throw knives at people anymore.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Oscars and Why We LOVE to Hate Those Gowns

I love award shows.  Well, not all awards shows, mostly just award shows involving movies, musicals and beauty....which is probably only about 75% of all award shows.

This Weekend is the Oscars, and like those of you who also watch the Oscars, I'm looking at the gowns.
If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll see that a ridiculous amount of my time is spent pinning pretty dresses.  In my defense, I am a costume designer, and many are historical pieces, so I consider this research.  I have whole boards dedicated to different time periods....but I digress.

Oscar's dresses.  So many are so lovely, but those aren't the ones we spend a lot of time buzzing about, are they?  No.  We love to mock and jeer at the poor unfortunate beautiful Hollywood starlet who got herself talked into some mess of a dress.  And thanks to the Internet, we can keep bringing that mistake back up to the surface every year for the rest of their lives until they die or drift away into obscurity.

We are a cruel cruel world.
I really should spend a moment here to discuss why it is that we love to hate them, but that isn't as much fun as just showing you...

So in that spirit, let's take a look! (In order of year of appearance...)

My Top 10 Worst Oscar Dresses in my immediate memory and lifetime

Cher 1986.  So many things begin and end w/ Cher.  In all fairness, 
Cher alone could take up half my list. 
 But I'm going to pick this one because of the headdress.  
How would you have liked to get the seat behind her?

Kim Basinger 1989.  This is what happens when Scarlett Ohara mates w/  
one the guys from Interview w/ a Vampire...

Demi Moore 1989.  One could argue that the 80's were hard on everyone in regard to fashion,
 but bike shorts at an award show is just NOT OK.  Ever.  
If you remember back that far, you will know that she designed this one herself.  
Some things (although this list begs to differ, doesn't it?) should be left to the professionals.
And yet, she looks so happy to be there.

Gena Davis 1990.  You know how bad plastic surgery can ruin a pretty successful Hollywood career?
 (*cough* Meg Ryan* cough*)
 I'm pretty sure a bad Oscar dress can do just about the same thing.

Celine Dion 1999.  Before we ever even get to the outfit, let's just say what everyone is thinking:
 hats are never a good idea at a formal awards show.  
Ever.  Have you ever seen one? No.  The answer is no.  
Now about the outfit...she's wearing it backwards.  Enough said.

Angelina Jolie 1999.  I'm actually an Angelina fan (on the screen anyway) but that whole 
goth/Morticia/drinking of the blood faze was certainly odd.  
And ugly.  REally  really ugly.

Kate Hudson 2001.  It is perhaps to her advantage that you can't even tell who this is in this dress. 
And shame  shame shame on Stella McCartney for this design.  

Gwyneth Paltrow 2001.  Such a pretty girl.  Such an awful dress.  
Another award show no-no: saggy boobs. 
 Wait, I would like to expand that rule to be an everyday rule, 
for everyone, all over the world.  No saggy boobs.  Please, I beg you.

Bjork in 2001.  If it looks dead on you...It probably wasn't a good choice.  
I feel like this dress is sort of like cheating, because this poor girl has never made a good
 fashion choice in her life, and this one is so benign.  
But it showed up on the red carpet and is just so easy to put on this list.

Uma Thurman 2004.  Perhaps when you are just that structurally magnificent, 
you think to yourself "I can get away with wearing anything!"  
but this dress just proves that a bad dress can go horribly wrong on even the best of long legs.
This one hurts me so much.  

It's like a larger version of a paper bag dress I sewed for my Barbie when I was 7.

*Please note, I KNOW there are lots more ugly dresses out there.  I think you could dedicate an entire blog to ugly formals, but time is short and I'm not quite at that level to think myself capable of picking apart too much fashion.  Just the obvious.  And really awful.  REALLY awful.
But have you noticed how they come in waves?  REally bad years.  The dresses, are rather like the oscars themselves.  You might have a year with several really great movies, who in any other year would have taken away the top spot from some so-so film that won, but somehow ended up in a year with lots of great stuff to choose from and so got lost in the fray.

I am also always left wondering "What IF, when the world ends and the only thing that survives that leaves all those alien life forms out there any information about our world and our culture if THIS blog post.  What sort of history will they construct?"  I think this all the time.  I really do.

Oh...too deep for this post.
Enjoy the Show!


  1. well, of course I am going to watch the Oscars. But, to be honest, I only watch it for the clothes. I haven't seen enough movies to really care what wins. Except in a LOTR year. Then I care.

    1. I know...the last few years I see so few of the films...unless by chance they came out earlier last year and have already made it onto netflix. Then maybe.